Just When You Least Expect It...

No one ever said being a mama was an easy job.

My four-year-old son had a seizure this afternoon after spiking a fever. Unfortunately, this is not the first time something like this has happened, and most likely, it won’t be the last. He was born prematurely at 25 weeks gestation, spending the first three and a half months of his life in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit of our local children’s hospital. With such an early birth comes numerous complications, and although he had more than his share of touch-and-go moments, he is now a happy, healthy and very active preschooler.

His neurological status includes a tendency towards a seizure disorder, and this afternoon, a spiked fever set a mild one off. Some medication (pediatric valium is a wonderful thing), a bunch of prayer, a nap, a long bubble bath (for him -- not for me, although I sure could use one) and the usual assortment of cold medications seem to have done some sort of trick and he’s now acting more like his usual self -- loud, silly and opinionated. Your typical toddler boy.

I’m actually not sure why I’m writing at the moment, other than the fact that it’s more than a little cathartic. Being the mother of a child with a complicated health history and ongoing issues was not what I imagined for myself. But, life is indeed funny with its unexpected twists, and so here is where I have found my path. Some days I feel capable of shouldering this humbling and gratifying responsibility that has been entrusted to me from above; some days I just want to crawl under a rock with no marker. What I do know is that I love my son with all my heart -- and that bit about being willing to take a bullet for one’s child is totally true. And so, we all -- mother, father and son -- forge ahead. On days like this, when my capacity for coping seems to be on fumes, and when I can’t help but ask “Why him?” as he undergoes yet another health anomaly, I’m gently reminded of something Mother Teresa once said. “I know that God never gives you more than you can handle,” she said. “I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.”

Ain’t that the truth.

1 comment:

SusanD said...

Man. What a scary thing. Honestly, I can't even imagine it. The way you DO manage to handle it with grace and perspective is outlandishly inspiring, though. I'm glad he's feeling better.