A pal of mine posted this on a message board I frequent. I thought it was totally worth poaching:
Dear Alcohol,
First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect gift, post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings). However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:
Phone Calls
While I agree with you that communication is important. I question the suggestion that any conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they DO NOT want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night.
Eating
Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this time.
Clumsiness
Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
Furthermore...
The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order. But, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out (face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn or wherever), the hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.
In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions. And hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan
10.31.2007
10.24.2007
Marking the Days
Six years ago, right now, I had a backache.
Six years ago tomorrow, that backache was hurting like a son of a bitch.
Six years ago day after tomorrow, that backache was misdiagnosed as a kidney infection and/or a pulled muscle.
Six years ago day after day after tomorrow, my son was born, three and a half months before he was supposed to come into this world.
We've come full circle 'round in the calendar, as Will's birthday falls on Saturday this year -- the same day of the week on which he was born. I promised myself I wouldn't dwell on the rememberances, but I'm finding it hard not to, especially given the exact parallels.
Sometimes, it seems like those moments from six years ago happened just yesterday. And sometimes it seems that they transpired forever ago.
And today, as I sit in my office chair, and type, with Will walking easily and happily through the room, stopping to help me type or to sing a song, I can somewhat reconcile the past with the present. The song he like to sing most frequently with me these days is "Happiness," from the Broadway musical You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. And as I hear his sweet little voice sing "Happiness is anyone and anything at all, that's loved by you," tears automatically well up in my eyes. I wouldn't exactly call what I'm feeling peace, but I'm closer to that than at any time in the past six years.
We've all come a long way, baby. There's still a lot of gravel and pavement ahead, but for today, I'm just going to stop at the side of the road and smell the wildflowers. And count my many, many blessings. Starting with my six year old one.
Six years ago tomorrow, that backache was hurting like a son of a bitch.
Six years ago day after tomorrow, that backache was misdiagnosed as a kidney infection and/or a pulled muscle.
Six years ago day after day after tomorrow, my son was born, three and a half months before he was supposed to come into this world.
We've come full circle 'round in the calendar, as Will's birthday falls on Saturday this year -- the same day of the week on which he was born. I promised myself I wouldn't dwell on the rememberances, but I'm finding it hard not to, especially given the exact parallels.
Sometimes, it seems like those moments from six years ago happened just yesterday. And sometimes it seems that they transpired forever ago.
And today, as I sit in my office chair, and type, with Will walking easily and happily through the room, stopping to help me type or to sing a song, I can somewhat reconcile the past with the present. The song he like to sing most frequently with me these days is "Happiness," from the Broadway musical You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. And as I hear his sweet little voice sing "Happiness is anyone and anything at all, that's loved by you," tears automatically well up in my eyes. I wouldn't exactly call what I'm feeling peace, but I'm closer to that than at any time in the past six years.
We've all come a long way, baby. There's still a lot of gravel and pavement ahead, but for today, I'm just going to stop at the side of the road and smell the wildflowers. And count my many, many blessings. Starting with my six year old one.
10.08.2007
Dis', Dat and De Udder: Episode 2706
For a print cover story on an all TV-theme episode of NBC's The Singing Bee, a show so wretched that even I, who'll watch just about anything, hasn't seen, TV Guide.com posed the following questions to its readers. Being the TV Goddess that I am, I immediately had my answers:
1. What is the most hummable TV theme ever?
Theme to Sanford and Son. I hum this constantly while driving -- I break it out whenever I see a Sanford-esqe truck motoring down the road.
2. Which TV theme would you consider your own personal theme song?
Theme to The Mary Tyler Moore Show.
Shut up. Yeah, yeah --- it's a cliche. But I like it.
3. Which TV theme would you most like to hear after a bad day at work?
Theme to That Girl, I Love Lucy, or, natch, The Dick Van Dyke Show. Old, dear friends all -- I know that even though I've most likely seen the episode in question a thousand times, it doesn't matter because I know it will be a half hour of chill time delight.
------------------------
Injury Report #1
I have an ATHLETIC INJURY for the first time in ages. I've done something to my right hand by doing something I can't figure out while at the gym. I think I strained it trying to catch my balance on the treadmill and grabbing the hand grip thingy too hard. My right ring finger won't bend correctly and my wrist is a wee bit swollen. I'm alternately a bit proud and a bit pissed, because it put a crimp in my Half-Marathon training. Believe it or not, I'm registered to Walk, Not Run (here's to you, Cary Grant and Jim Hutton!) in the Philadelphia Marathon the Sunday before Thanksgiving. Crazy, but it's been good for me to have a goal to help motivate my tuchus into exercise gear. I'm actually looking forward to that experience, as I've never been to Philly and am going to not only meet friends there, but am staying a couple of days after the walk to explore (ie: shop.)
------------------------
Injury Report #2
I have a BLACK EYE, source unknown. Went to monkey groom my eyebrows yesterday afternoon -- looked in my magnifying mirror to notice the outside corner of my right eye was sore and bloodshot. Washed my face to get rid of the dark eye shadow, smeared from my afternoon nap. Sure enough -- there's a bit of bruising around the perimeter. And I have no idea what happened. I'm thinking that Will, while crawling up on and off of my bed whilst I was 'napping,' might have either poked me in the eye or landed a foot there as he wiggled around. His feet are powerful -- small but mighty. POW! And now my eye hurts. I'm afraid to go look in the mirror this morning. Good thing those big Jackie O sunglasses are in vogue right now. Mr. DeMille, I'll be ready for my close up just as soon as I put my shades on.
------------------------
Totally sucktacular football weekend, with one little exception.
My Gators lost a heartbreaker of a game to LSU. *sob* Tim Tebow IS Superman.
Tennessee and FSU, my mortal football enemies, both won. BOOOOOOO HISSSSSSSSSSS.
The Bucs got their lunch and dinner handed to them by the Colts.
Only bright spot -- my other alma mater, USF (BA in English!), won. Too close for comfort against Howard Schnellenberger's FAU. But still. And now they are ranked number five in the country. Not bad for a school who didn't have a football program until 10 years ago.
------------------------
Best show on TV you're probably not watching: Mad Men on AMC. Actually, it is, in my opinion, the best show on TV now. Period.
From the amazing attention to detail which brings every nuance of the early 1960s to life, to the whip-smart writing to the compelling performances -- it's totally Cannot Miss TV for me. I think this season is nearly over, but it's been renewed and will be back probably closer to next summer. If you're not watching, you're missing out on some quality programming.
------------------------
Still missing Roxanne. A lot. Been looking at the SPCA website. However, no pet additions to Chez Petrie for a while. Not ready just yet to share part of my heart with another furry friend. Still on the mend.
1. What is the most hummable TV theme ever?
Theme to Sanford and Son. I hum this constantly while driving -- I break it out whenever I see a Sanford-esqe truck motoring down the road.
2. Which TV theme would you consider your own personal theme song?
Theme to The Mary Tyler Moore Show.
Shut up. Yeah, yeah --- it's a cliche. But I like it.
3. Which TV theme would you most like to hear after a bad day at work?
Theme to That Girl, I Love Lucy, or, natch, The Dick Van Dyke Show. Old, dear friends all -- I know that even though I've most likely seen the episode in question a thousand times, it doesn't matter because I know it will be a half hour of chill time delight.
------------------------
Injury Report #1
I have an ATHLETIC INJURY for the first time in ages. I've done something to my right hand by doing something I can't figure out while at the gym. I think I strained it trying to catch my balance on the treadmill and grabbing the hand grip thingy too hard. My right ring finger won't bend correctly and my wrist is a wee bit swollen. I'm alternately a bit proud and a bit pissed, because it put a crimp in my Half-Marathon training. Believe it or not, I'm registered to Walk, Not Run (here's to you, Cary Grant and Jim Hutton!) in the Philadelphia Marathon the Sunday before Thanksgiving. Crazy, but it's been good for me to have a goal to help motivate my tuchus into exercise gear. I'm actually looking forward to that experience, as I've never been to Philly and am going to not only meet friends there, but am staying a couple of days after the walk to explore (ie: shop.)
------------------------
Injury Report #2
I have a BLACK EYE, source unknown. Went to monkey groom my eyebrows yesterday afternoon -- looked in my magnifying mirror to notice the outside corner of my right eye was sore and bloodshot. Washed my face to get rid of the dark eye shadow, smeared from my afternoon nap. Sure enough -- there's a bit of bruising around the perimeter. And I have no idea what happened. I'm thinking that Will, while crawling up on and off of my bed whilst I was 'napping,' might have either poked me in the eye or landed a foot there as he wiggled around. His feet are powerful -- small but mighty. POW! And now my eye hurts. I'm afraid to go look in the mirror this morning. Good thing those big Jackie O sunglasses are in vogue right now. Mr. DeMille, I'll be ready for my close up just as soon as I put my shades on.
------------------------
Totally sucktacular football weekend, with one little exception.
My Gators lost a heartbreaker of a game to LSU. *sob* Tim Tebow IS Superman.
Tennessee and FSU, my mortal football enemies, both won. BOOOOOOO HISSSSSSSSSSS.
The Bucs got their lunch and dinner handed to them by the Colts.
Only bright spot -- my other alma mater, USF (BA in English!), won. Too close for comfort against Howard Schnellenberger's FAU. But still. And now they are ranked number five in the country. Not bad for a school who didn't have a football program until 10 years ago.
------------------------
Best show on TV you're probably not watching: Mad Men on AMC. Actually, it is, in my opinion, the best show on TV now. Period.
From the amazing attention to detail which brings every nuance of the early 1960s to life, to the whip-smart writing to the compelling performances -- it's totally Cannot Miss TV for me. I think this season is nearly over, but it's been renewed and will be back probably closer to next summer. If you're not watching, you're missing out on some quality programming.
------------------------
Still missing Roxanne. A lot. Been looking at the SPCA website. However, no pet additions to Chez Petrie for a while. Not ready just yet to share part of my heart with another furry friend. Still on the mend.
10.01.2007
YouTube Fun!
It's amazing what one can find simply poking around the treasure trove known as YouTube.
For instance...
Here's the great Dorothy Loudon singing what may be my favorite Sondheim song. Period. It's "Losing My Mind" from the show Follies.
I dim the lights
And think about you
Spend sleepless nights
To think about you...
Who hasn't experienced even just a little of that sort of yearning...
And then I came across the inimitable Barbara Cook with the Irving Berlin classic "What'll I Do." I'm more familar with the Ronstadt version recorded with the Nelson Riddle orchestra, but this one, taken from a Larry King Show piece (just ignore him... it's worth it), is lovely in its simplicity.
Presenting the Flamingos with "I Only Have Eyes For You." While I adore Art Garfunkel's take on this one, the Flamingos' version is pretty much perfect:
And now for something completely different: Bill Murray as Nick Winter with "Theme from 'Star Wars':"
Lucy and Desi doing what they do best. I love this song because it reminds me of my granddaddy.
And finally -- Stan Getz and Astrud Gilberto. "The Girl from Ipanema." Classic. No other description necessary.
For instance...
Here's the great Dorothy Loudon singing what may be my favorite Sondheim song. Period. It's "Losing My Mind" from the show Follies.
I dim the lights
And think about you
Spend sleepless nights
To think about you...
Who hasn't experienced even just a little of that sort of yearning...
And then I came across the inimitable Barbara Cook with the Irving Berlin classic "What'll I Do." I'm more familar with the Ronstadt version recorded with the Nelson Riddle orchestra, but this one, taken from a Larry King Show piece (just ignore him... it's worth it), is lovely in its simplicity.
Presenting the Flamingos with "I Only Have Eyes For You." While I adore Art Garfunkel's take on this one, the Flamingos' version is pretty much perfect:
And now for something completely different: Bill Murray as Nick Winter with "Theme from 'Star Wars':"
Lucy and Desi doing what they do best. I love this song because it reminds me of my granddaddy.
And finally -- Stan Getz and Astrud Gilberto. "The Girl from Ipanema." Classic. No other description necessary.
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