Fears Manifested

Never underestimate the power of a mother's instinct.

Will has been admitted to the hospital for observation by his neuro team. After a night of no sleep and fitful behavior, we made a trip to the ER at 4:00 am. While his head and shunt look OK (ie: nothing seems to be amiss), he's running a fever and having little seizures as a result. Needless to say, I'm a wreck, but at least there's someone else watching him along with me. I have come to think of the hospital as the world's most expensive babysitter. The mister is in Boston, with plans to come home tomorrow, just because. Sigh.

I'm just so fucking sick and tired of this crap -- this roller coaster which is our normal. I'm over it. Plain and simple. My heart aches for my little boy, because he knows no other existence. It's not fair. But it is what it is.

Sometimes it ain't easy being me. This is one of those times.


Wildhair said...

Ugh! I should have read and commented here first. God Bless all of you.

Sprezzatura said...

"What is to give light, must endure burning."

While I can't possibly offer anything remotely as profound as Victor Frankel, I can offer you my prayers, my compassion and my admiration.

Granted, you might not be able to control what your little one is going though, but you do have control over your response to it. A "roller coaster" which is your normal? Absolutely. A blessing he is in your life. No doubt. I *feel* how much of a blessing he is to you with every loving post you write.

You are allowed to be tired of this crap. But at the same time, I hope you steal for yourself a moment to look into the mirror, and see the truly remarkable - and inspiring - woman that you are.

And if you don't take the time to do so, we in the blogosphere will just have to remind you of that fact.

Keep the faith. And keep us posted.