Pre-Op Jitters

Just got off the phone with the admissions nurse at the hospital regarding Will's surgery tomorrow. We have our instructions, marching orders and details about where, what, when.

So why am I so anxious?

Will's been through much scarier situations than this one. Nothing will top the scary factor *knock on wood* of having brain surgery in an emergency room. He will only be under the anesthesia for 30 minutes. The length of a sitcom, with commercials. If I thought about it, I could probably run through the plot of one of my favorites in that time frame as a diversion.

And we're going to check in at the Short Stay Admissions counter. That's encouraging in itself. Not Long Stay or Emergency or Intensive Care. Short Stay.

I like the sound of that.

But the talk of anesthesia, recovery times, NPO (Latin for 'nothing by mouth', learned and retained from our days in the NICU) after midnight and post-op scenarios makes my stomach flip-flop and my nerves edgy. Can't help it. Must be a parent thing.

I'm going to be doing this hospital thing solo, as my husband won't be able to get home until tomorrow night. I'm used to that, given our scheduled lifestyle. But still. Not easy. I know Will can depend and rely on me. That's what I work for, what I live for. I just hope I can rely on myself. Getting a little scared, frankly -- self-doubt is insidious in its ability to consume.

For once, I'm a bit relieved that Will's developmental delays are keeping him from being too aware of what lies ahead. Not that it's going to be bad or problematic.

One nervous nellie in the family is more than enough.

This just in: when it rains, it pours.

Got off the phone with my dad. His PSA levels are elevated -- the doctors are going to give him medication for a couple of weeks to see if that helps lower things, but if not, it's Biopsy Time.

Sigh.