7.08.2008

A Word from the Domestic Goddess

I have just returned from another exciting journey to the grocery store.

Alert the media.

I did, however, glean something unusual from this particular trip -- did you know that you can get a little mini-workout while shopping for foodstuffs and other items? Guess what -- you can!

Here's what I was able to accomplish in just 15 short minutes:

The Grocery Cart Pull
Involves: trying to dislodge a cart from the cart coral when all the ones on the end are stuck somehow and won't move easily.

Works: shoulders and pecs

The Grocery Cart Steer

Involves: working really hard to keep your cart, which has a wonky wheel, from rolling completely askew down the aisles.

Works: pecs and biceps

The Duck and Cover Sprint
Involves: quickly maneuvering your cart into an aisle so as not to be seen by someone whom you do not wish to encounter. This is critical to master when you are not looking your best or are in a hurry and have no time to chit-chat. Both are options which I field on a regular basis. Other possibilities which can trigger the Duck and Cover Sprint include people you don't like or friends of your parents with whom you feel obligated to speak because you are mannerly that way.

Note that the number of times you will do the Duck and Cover Sprint is proportional to how badly you are dressed. The worse you look, the odds of seeing lots of people you know greatly increases.

Good for: quick cardio burst; flexibility

The Top Shelf Dairy Case Reach
Involves: standing on tippy-toe to try and reach the last two raspberry yogurts which are against the back wall of the obscenely deep dairy case because your child seems to only like raspberry yogurt this week and you are tired of meal time battles. The yogurt sale sign (2o for $9!) may also be deployed as the arm-lengthener to help reach said items.

Good for: calves and shins; balance; patience

The Medium-Weight Paper Bag Schlep
Involves: trying to balance carrying in handle-less paper grocery bags into the house without tearing the bag or damaging the items inside, while maneuvering house keys and a ringing cell phone.

Good for: dexterity

I am sure there are countless more exercises one could do on a jaunt through the market -- the possibilities are endless.

Just another day in domestic paradise 'round here.

3 comments:

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Too funny, Jane!

On a limb with Claudia said...

Imagine, 100 years ago you would be digging up your own food, making your own yogurt. Those bastards didn't know how good they had it! ;)

I hate the grocery store... hate. it.

Sprezzatura said...

now why am i not surprised your dairy preferences are "top shelf" as well? "florida cracker," indeed...

and as for the "paper bag schlep," i love it when you southern belles get all borscht belt

could you be any more adorable? i think not.