Meme Monday. It's what you've been waiting for but didn't know it.

Presenting The World's Longest Meme (thanks to my girlie Perpstu at Popping Bubbles for the hook-up)

STEP ONE:
Spell your name with songs.

Can’t Buy Me Love ~ The Beatles

I Am a Town ~ Mary Chapin Carpenter

Take Five ~ Dave Brubeck

If ~ Bread

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah ~ Uncle Remus, et al. from Song of the South

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic ~ The Police

Naked Eye ~ Luscious Jackson

Jenny, Don’t Be Hasty ~ Paulo Nutini

Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love ~ Van Halen

Nature Boy ~ Nat King Cole

Everyday I Write the Book ~ Elvis Costello

You Can’t Always Get What You Want ~ The Rolling Stones

STEP TWO: The Basics
Name: Citizen Janey

Birthday: September 27th
Nickname: CJ, Mama, Miss Janey, Girlie, Mami

Eye Color: Brown

Hair Color: Brown going Gray
Zodiac Sign: Libra

STEP THREE:
The shoes you wore today: black flip-flops

Your weaknesses: hairy chested men; caramel; pasta; intelligence
Your fear(s): anything happening to Will; snakes; disappointing others

Your perfect pizza: Sausage, onions, extra cheese on a thin crust
Goal you’d like to achieve: Running that half-marathon

STEP FOUR:
Your best physical feature: my hair; my eyes; my smile
Your bedtime: anytime between 11 and 1, depending on the day
Most missed memory: Summers on Lake Lanier

STEP FIVE:
This Or That…
Pepsi or Coke: Coke

McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonald’s

Adidas or Nike: New Balance
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Whichever is fresh brewed

Chocolate or Vanilla: Caramel

Cappuccino or coffee: Espresso

STEP SIX:
Do You…
Smoke: Not in a very very long time
Curse: Have we just met?
Sing: See above
Dance: Damn straight

Take a shower everyday: Yep. Sometimes twice (but I don’t wash my hair every time. Does that count?)
Have a crush: Oh. Yeah. Where do I begin?
Do you think you’ve been in love? But of course!
Want to go to college: Two degrees down – and I still want to go back to finish my Master’s.
Like(d) high school: It was OK.
Want to get married: Been there, done that
Get motion sickness: Sometimes – especially on roller coasters
Think you’re attractive: Not even close
Think you’re a health freak: Working on it

Get along with your parents: For the most part (although they drive me nuts…)

STEP SEVEN:
In the past month…
Gone to the mall: Nyet. Save for the mall with the Apple store, I’ve not set foot in one of those commercially horrific beheamoths in literally years.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Nope. And there’s even a package of them in my kitchen right now, left over from vacation. Go me!

Eaten sushi: Good grief no. Can’t stand the stuff, save for tuna.
Been on stage: Does being the lead singer of a Rock Band band count? If so, then hell yeah!
Gone skating: Nyet
Made homemade cookies: Nope.

Gone skinny-dipping: Numerous times (I did just get back from vacay, after all)

Stolen anything: Nope.

STEP EIGHT:
Ever…
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Heck yeah.

If so, was it mixed company: Duh. Of course.
Flashed anyone: Numerous times

Been beaten up: Nope

Shoplifted: Nope

STEP NINE:
Age you hope to be married: Again, been there, done that.
Number of children: Just Master Will

Describe your dream wedding: Chapel in Vegas, Elvis Impersonator presiding.
What country would you most like to visit? Cuba. Followed distantly by Brazil. Argentina. England. Sweden. Shall I go on?

STEP TEN:
In the opposite sex…
Best eye color: Brown
Best hair color: Dark-ish (touch of gray is also very acceptable)

Short hair or long hair: Depends. Not too short, but not too long either. Gotta be able to run my fingers through it.
Height: 5’ 9” or above works.

STEP ELEVEN:
Number of people I could trust with my life: let’s go with five
Number of CDs that I own: A bunch – still converting to iTunes.

Number of tattoos: None
Number of piercings: Just ears

PERSONAL QUIZ
Who were you with yesterday? The fam
What woke you up this morning? Will. We overslept and missed summer school, because the alarm wasn’t set. Ooops...
Where are you? Living room

Is tomorrow going to be a good day? Good grief, I hope so
Do you like anybody? Sometimes… hee!

THE PAST
Ever thrown up in public? Yes. Ugh.

Passed out because of alcohol? Yes… shhhhhh.

What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW? Will my head EVER STOP HURTING?!?!

THE FUTURE
What kind of home would you like? Bigger, bigger, bigger. With a groovy kitchen. And more storage space than I will ever know what to do with.
What do you want to be when you grow up? A talk show host. Or Helen Mirren.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In great physical shape and a published author. (How’s that for ambitious!)

IN GENERAL
Do you like candy necklaces? Not so much

When was the last time you fell over or ran into something?
About a hour ago when I realized we’d overslept
Do you listen to music every day? Again, have we just met?
Do you still go trick or treating? With Master Will

What was the last thing you ate? Kashi with soy milk

Are you a fast typer? Not too bad, considering I’ve never been formally trained ;-)
What’s your favorite type of soda? Grape NEHI
Have you ever moved? Sure

Have you ever won an award? A couple over the years
Are you listening to music right now? But of course!
How long ’till your birthday? Three months
When were you the saddest in your whole life? Right after Will was born, when we didn’t know if he was going to live or die
What time is it? 8:37 am

Do you use eBay to buy or sell? Buy, baby, buy. I should really start the selling thing, though. Hmmmm…
Who makes you mad? Condescending people; close-minded, bigoted people

Have you ever heard a song written about you? No. Dammit.
Something you want to happen in 2009? Self-confidence.
Summer 2009? Captiva beach holiday (come and gone *sniff*); NYC with galpals; lots and lots of baseball; running, running, core training, running.
Honestly, do you miss 2008? Not so much.

HONESTY SECTION
Honestly, what color is your underwear? Black
Honestly, what’s on your mind? My aching head

Honestly, what are you doing right now? Thinking about my aching head. And finishing this bloody long meme.
Honestly, have you done something bad today? Not yet…
Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone? Someone who called here looking for the Salvation Army (our phone numbers are one digit apart)
Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? Yes, yes I am.
Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time? Narrow-mindedness
Honestly, do you bite your nails? nope

Honestly, have you had an eating disorder? nope
Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment? Actually, I do.
Honestly, are you keeping a big secret now? Like I’d tell you…
Honestly, do you have a friend you don’t actually like? Yep. Ugh.
Honestly, are you in denial? I don’t think so, believe it or not
Honestly, do you get up in the middle of the night and eat? Nope
Honestly, do you like anyone? Yeah. Yeah I do.
Honestly, does anyone like you? I’d like to think so.

ANGER SECTION
What do you do when you’re mad? Get very quiet and cry.
What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? Thrown dishes against the wall
Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? Yes, sadly.
Do you swear when you’re mad? I think I actually swear less when I’m angry. Which is weird, but true.

CRYING SECTION
When was the last time you actually cried? A couple of weeks ago
Ever cried yourself to sleep? More times than I can count

Do certain songs make you cry? Of course
What usually makes you cry? Where shall I start?

HAPPY SECTION
Are you usually a happy person? For the most part
What makes you the happiest? Uncomplicated moments with those in my heart
Do you believe in yourself? I’m working on it… right now, we’re in an ebb period on this one
When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy? I try (even though deep down, I don’t believe them. Sad but true.)

Easing on down the road...

It was the spring of 1983. A lazy Sunday afternoon. As a freshman in my second semester of college, I should have been studying. That Introduction to Meteorology class was kicking my fanny. At that point in my college career, I was still a Broadcast Journalism major and had decided, with all the logical wisdom an 18-year-old chick could muster, that it might be helpful to take a class in meteorology in case I found a job as a weather girl. Hadn’t gotten as far as figuring out an on-air name (like Stormy Skies) but I figured it was better to be prepared.

You can stop rolling your eyes now. Yeah. I know.

(BTW – I ended up getting a ‘D’ in that class.)

Anyhoo.

It was a Sunday afternoon. I was nursing a wee little hangover after spending the evening dancing the night away at some fraternity shindig or another. Sitting around with some gal pals, we were lounging around my dorm room. I had a song stuck in my head that just wouldn’t leave.

They told him don’t you ever come around here
Don’t wanna see your face – you better disappear…

It was a new Michael Jackson tune. Heard it spun at the party the night before. And instantly fell in love.

And I just had to have it. In my possession. NOW.

Didn’t matter that I really wasn’t sure of the name of the song. I had a singular focus. Miss Instant Gratification.

With no car myself (that’s another story for another day) I convinced my GP with the vehicle to join me on my mission of music. Off we went. To the record store at the mall. To the indy record store near campus. To the indy record store way off campus. To Albertsons, which in those days sold music, believe it or not.

No luck.

You better run, you better do what you can
Don’t wanna see no blood – don’t be a macho man...

Ended up buying a 45 of “Billie Jean” out of desperation. Just in case that was the song. It wasn’t. But I had to have something to show for the wild goose chase we went on that afternoon.

Even after one hearing – one listen – one exposure -- I knew that I had heard something amazing. And infectious. And utterly memorable.

Not that I was any great prognosticator of pop culture at that age – but I knew what I liked. That song. Was It.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Say what you will about the man – and goodness knows, a hell of a lot has been said about him over the years – he was a genius in the purest sense of the word. A master showman with boundless gifts. With a tragic side that also knew no bounds.

And as I watch the news and read the ‘net chatter about MJ’s sudden death, I’m flashing back to the halcyon days of my young adulthood for which he provided the soundtrack. I’m choosing to remember his musical contributions over his slightly sordid and unusual personal life.

Some bittersweet memories tonight – it’s the end of an era.

But with one hell of a danceable beat.

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin’ how funky strong is your fight
It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right

Drunker Than Cooter Brown: A Tale from a Wanton She-nebriate

Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice...

~ Gabriel Garcia Marquez

No firing squad (yet) but I also have a memory of a distant afternoon when a parent took me to discover something magical and wonderful.

My revelation: beer.

But there was a rocky start.

It’s hard to imagine, but yes, Virginia, there was a time when I didn’t like beer.

(I should have probably suggested you sit down for that little tidbit.)

Picture it. The early '80s. I was 17. A young, dare I say comely, lass. Getting ready to venture off from the safe and more-than-slightly restrictive confines of my home and private school to the big, bad, bodacious university.

And while I had tasted the fruit of the vine, as it were, my palette was more tuned towards sweet and safe things like sangria and cheap-ass Lambrusco. The legal drinking age in those days was 19 (dinosaurs had just stopped walking the earth right about then), and as a result, this was not an unusual or, to be honest, taboo thing.

With my immediate future determined -- I would be attending the University of Florida -- my mother, of all people, decided that I needed to learn to drink beer before I went off to school.

She had this ah-ha moment while we were sitting in lawn chairs next to our car’s open trunk while tailgating outside the football stadium in Gainesville, in town to go to a game. My parents have season tickets to Gator games – have had them pretty much my entire life. About 40 rows up. With the 50-yard line stripe aligning right between my dad’s legs when he sits in his seat.

Yeah. They’re in the will. Don’t go to me, though. I get the silver instead.

Anyhoo.

There we are, sitting in our lawn chairs, eating chicken and drinking Tab (told you I was old) when Mama announces that it was time for me to develop a taste for beer. Obviously her personal experience as a UF co-ed 25 years earlier was influencing her big declaration.

She stood up, went over to the cooler that was on the ground and pulled out a beer.

Miller Lite.

In a can.

Ponder that if you will.

It was Daddy’s favorite. For some unknown, God-forsaken reason.

She handed it to me, along with a cocktail napkin, and said “cheers!”

Apropos of nothing, my mother has a “thing” about cocktail napkins. She loves them. Has them all over the house. Gives one to you with anything and everything you might be consuming when at her house. Gives them to me as presents. I have seriously 20 unopened packages of them in my storage closet. She will probably give the Good Lord himself a cocktail napkin if the occasion ever arises in heaven.

Back to the beer.

I popped that bad boy open and took a sip, being careful not to smear my Bonnie Bell Dr Pepper tinted Lip Smacker too much.

To say that that first swig was uninspiring would be an understatement.

Gross brand of beer. In a can. Not a good combination.

I think I might have gagged down about half of it, just to be polite. It got warm pretty quickly (pre-coozy days) which did not enhance its character one iota. I was less than impressed.

And so my relationship with beer got off to a less-than-spectacular beginning. Wouldn’t yours if you had what basically amounted to panther piss as your first drink? I’m still not sure what happened to my dad’s taste buds to make him tolerate that swill. Could it be that I’m too much of a drinking diva to appreciate it?

Don’t answer that. Kthx.

All of the bad memories and the yucky taste in my mouth disappeared, however, the first time an earnest fellow pumped me my first foam-a-licious, cold and delightful cup ‘o beer from a keg.

Hoppy, yeasty bliss.

Yes, there’s a story there involving ice picks and trailers and speeding tickets and drunk frat boys. But I’ll save that one for another day.

Cheers. And have a cocktail napkin.

World Watching

A distant nation my community
And a street person my responsibility
If I have a care in the world
I have a gift to bring

Now I know a refuge never grows
From a chin in a hand
And a thoughtful pose
Gotta tend the earth
If you want a rose

~ "Hammer and a Nail," Indigo Girls

Amidst the vacation prep and the Will-tending (Guess who ate sweet potato casserole the other day? Here’s a hint… it wasn’t me!) and the domestic-goddess activities and half-marathon training (I’m engaging my core in my sleep and might just turn into a protein shake) I’ve become captivated and transfixed with my Twitter feed, which is giving me first hand updates from people living out the post-election unrest in Iran right now.

Welcome to the way the world does conflict, 21st century style.

Ban Western journalists? OK.

Shut down newspapers and web sites? Fine.

The information and message gets out another way.

I’ve set up a group on my TweetDeck for just the Tweets coming out of Iran. What a picture it paints. Each 140-character blip might be personal messages, talking to perhaps friends and/or family (these are more often than not in Arabic); information passed on from other sources; first hand accounts of action, activity, atrocity.

RT @alirezasha I love my country with all harsh critics that I have, with everything! thats all and I hate violence//ppl now need trust, just trust!

RT @smileofcrash Our demand: Give back our internet/SMS/phones and we'll stop DDoS your sites #iranelection

RT @persiankiwi do NOT follow any instructions on twitter except from the trusted sources - cont...... #Iranelection

This is not a scripted action adventure for the big screen. This is not a semi-scripted reality piece of television entertainment tripe.

This is real. Happening now. And unfolding literally before my eyes.

My bleeding heart hippy-dippy liberalism is spread in full peacock-feather array. I’m virtually waving my Amnesty International membership card and listening to stuff like the Indigo Girls (“Hammer and a Nail” anyone?) and Tracy Chapman. Turned my Twitter avatar green in solidarity. And passing along information, both critical and merely interesting, whenever I can.

It’s not much. But it’s something.

Nearly 20 years ago, I sat transfixed, watching the green glow of bombs pop neon against the dark Baghdad sky as the Gulf War progressed in real time. (And by the way – Arthur Kent. Totally deserving of his Scud Stud moniker. Dude was hot. Shut up.) Just as Dan Rather and the dinnertime reports from Vietnam had done a generation before, CNN changed the way world events were portrayed with nonstop live coverage of a war hours and miles away.

And now things have evolved yet again – we’re at the advent of interactive world events. I’m all set to send my Iranian Twitter follows short messages of support and thanks – not much, but it’s something. (Twitter’s down right at the moment for scheduled maintenance, rescheduled to happen in the wee small hours Tehran time so as to provide as little interruption as possible for those using it to communicate.)

It really is a small world after all.

Even in 140 character bites.

I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.

~ T. Jefferson

A little thing...

A peanut sat on a railroad track
His heart was all a'flutter
Around the bend came Number 10
Toot toot! Peanut butter!

Will smells like peanut butter this morning. And bananas. A very typical, standard-issue boy-type smell.

For the very first time.

He likes peanut butter. Just ate some for breakfast. Granted it was mixed in with some banana yogurt.

But still. A first is a first.

Can a PB&J be far behind?

Will smells like peanut butter.

The most beautiful smell in the world. At least to me.

You Dropped a Bomb on Meme Monday

FOODOLOGY

What is your salad dressing of choice?
CATALINA; BALSAMIC VINAIGRETTE; BLEU CHEESE

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
SIX/SEVEN IN SEATLE

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
BREAKFAST FOOD. EGGS, BACON, SAUSAGE, CHEESE GRITS, HASH BROWNS, BISCUITS. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

What do you like to put on your toast?
SEEDLESS RASPBERRY JAM. OR GRAPE JELLY.

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
SAUSAGE, ONION AND EXTRA CHEESE

TECHNOLOGY

How many televisions are in your house?
FOUR

What color cell phone do you have?
BLACK (BUT I HAVE A PURPLE CASE)

BIOLOGY

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
RIGHT

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
YES. AND WE'LL JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
WILL (NEARLY 70 POUNDS AND COUNTING)

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
NOT WITHOUT THE ASSISTANCE OF A CONTROLLED ADMINISTERED SUBSTANCE

BULLCRAPOLOGY

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
NO WAY

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
LUCY OR GRACE 

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000?
NO FRICKIN' WAY. UGH.

DUMBOLOGY

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
MID DOUBLE DIGITS... I'M TOO LAZY TO COUNT

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
NEVER HAD A RUN-IN, BUT ONE OF ST. PETE'S FINEST DID GIVE ME A TICKET IN THE FENDER-BENDER I WAS IN RECENTLY

Last person you talked to?
WILL

Last person you hugged?
WILL (I WAS MORE EXCITED ABOUT IT THAN HE WAS)

FAVORITOLOGY

Season?
FALL

Day of the week?
FRIDAY

Month?
NOVEMBER

CURRENTOLOGY

Missing someone?
CONSTANTLY

Mood?
ENERGIZED BUT PENSIVE

What are you listening to?
HANDY MANNY ON THE TELLY (AND WILL -- NOT IN THE ROOM. I'M TOO LAZY TO FIND THE CLICKER AND CHANGE THE CHANNEL)

Watching?
THIS SCREEN, ACTUALLY

Worrying about?
YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME...

Favorite movie?
GONE WITH THE WIND; THIS IS SPINAL TAP; PILLOW TALK

RANDOMOLOGY

First place you went this morning?
BATHROOM

What's the last movie you saw?
THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI

Do you smile often?
CONSTANTLY

Sleeping alone tonight?
SI

OTHER-OLOGY

Do you always answer your phone?
PLEASE. HAVE WE JUST MET?

It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
PATTY -- BECAUSE NEITHER OF US CAN SLEEP

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
WOULDN'T -- LOVE BEING A BROWN EYED GIRL

What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER BEEN TO A SONIC. EVER.

Do you own a digital camera?
INDEED

Have you ever had a pet fish?
NO, ACTUALLY.

Favorite Christmas song(s)?
HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS; JOY TO THE WORLD

What's on your wish list for your birthday?
HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT -- IT'S NOT UNTIL SEPTEMBER, Y'ALL

Can you do push-ups?
YES. YES I CAN.

Can you do chin ups?
COULDN'T DO THEM IN HIGH SCHOOL FOR THAT BLOODY PRESIDENT'S PHYSICAL FITNESS TEST. DON'T THINK THINGS HAVE IMPROVED IN THIS AREA.

Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
YES.

Do you have any saved text messages?
YES I DO. ;-)

Ever been in a car wreck?
UGH. YES.

Do you have an accent?
NOT TERRIBLY -- ALTHOUGH THE SOUTHERN DOES SLIP OUT IF PROVOKED

What is the last song to make you cry?
GRACE LIKE RAIN/TODD AGNEW

Plans tonight?
NO, COME TO THINK ABOUT IT.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
OH YEAH. MORE THAN ONCE, ACTUALLY

Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
YOGURT, WATER, APPLESAUCE

Have you ever been given roses?
YEP

Current worry?
FRICKIN' ECONOMY

Current hate right now?
MY DRY SKIN THAT'S NOT GOING AWAY, DESPITE THE APPLICATION OF COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF COCOA BUTTER

Met someone who changed your life?
ABSOLUTELY!

What song represents you?
HONKY TONK WOMAN BY MICK & THE BOYS

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
MAYBE...

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
YEP

Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
JUST PIERCED EARS

Does anyone love you?
YES. YES THEY DO.

Would you be a pirate?
I'M MORE THE SAUCY WENCH TYPE -- DOES THAT COUNT?

What songs do you sing in the shower?
BELIEVE IT OR NOT -- I DON'T SING IN THE SHOWER. IT'S THE ONLY PLACE I DON'T. THAT'S WHERE I DO MY THINKING.

Ever had someone sing to you?
YES

When did you last cry?
YESTERDAY -- TOTAL ANGRY/FRUSTRATION CRY

Do you like to cuddle?
IT DEPENDS. SOMETIMES I'M ALL ABOUT BEING UP IN YOUR BUSINESS AND SOMETIMES I NEED MY SPACE.

Have you held hands with anyone today?
NOT YET.

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
WILL!

What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
EVERYTHING FROM BURT BACHARACH AND CLAUDINE LONGET (MY MOTHER'S FAVES) TO TOP 40 TO 70S R&B. LOVED IT ALL.

Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
YES

Do you like pulpy orange juice?
PULP IS THE DEBIL. SO SO SO SO NASTY.

What is something your friends make fun of you for?
MY PASSIONATE TAKE ON POLITICS. I'M EVERYONE'S FAVORITE LIBERAL AND I TAKE A LOT OF HITS FOR BEING A HIPPY LEFT LEANING CHICK.

80 Proof. Locked and Loaded.

We here south of the Mason-Dixon line have a whole mess of very colorful and, for lack of a better word, weird, expressions for just about any occasion.

“Drunker than Cooter Brown” is one of them – it’s used to describe a serious state of drunken befuddlement and stupefaction. Yee-haw!

(And don't play innocent with me -- you know exactly what I'm talking about here, whether you're from the South or not. Pffffft. I'm not just whistling Dixie, you know...)

So, given all that preamble,  you may be asking -- who in the hell is Cooter Brown?

Frankly, I had no idea myself, even though I’d heard my kin use this expression since I was a wee lass. After some digging, here’s what I discovered:

Per Whistlin' Dixie: A Dictionary of Southern Expressions by Robert Hendrickson
DRUNK AS COOTER BROWN - adj. phrase. Also "drunk as Cooter, ~ Cooty Brown. Chiefly South. Very intoxicated.

And from The Dictionary of American Regional English, Volume 1 by Frederic G. Cassidy 
"This is an African American expression very familiar to the informant, who is from New Jersey. She says it is current and, so far as she knows, it 'came up with the African Americans from the Carolinas.' She thinks it probably derives from some proverbial drunkard."

OK – that works. I could go into the whole thing about a cooter being slang for a turtle, but that would lead me to places that aren’t really germane to the discussion at hand. See: exhibit A and exhibit B.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

HA! What did you think I was talking about... 

And now you may ask yourself (apropos of nothing, when in the hell did I morph into David Byrne… seriously) what does all of this have to do with anything?

I’ll tell you. Calm down.

After a raucous afternoon spent reading this site, I decided that (a) I’m very glad that texting was not around when I was young and drunk and stupid and (b) I have a hell of a lot of Drunk Girl stories. A hell of a lot. That may need to be told. Along with the Drunk Girl stories of my friends.

And thus my NEW! FRESH! TIPSY! ongoing blog feature Drunker Than Cooter Brown: Tales of a Wanton She-nebriate was born.

So – what is a Wanton She-nebriate… here are a few deal-makers that have been shared with me by a “friend”

- Dancing with your arms above your head whether there’s music playing or not.

- Dancing on chairs. Tables. Bars. In other words, any surface other than the floor.

- Losing what grace and polish you have and becoming clumsy – which is charming. 

Until it’s not.

- When EVERYONE in the bar is your friend. Everyone.

- “WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” Enough said.

- Tears. Over anything and everything. (note: this usually happens towards the end of a evening.)

- “OH MY GOOOOOOD I LOOOOVEEEEEEEE YOU”

- The tendency to make out with random dudes. Just because they’re there. And so are you.

- The tendency to flash one’s assets. Even without the cliché of beads being offered.

Did I forget anything? Or rather, did my “friend” forget to share anything noteworthy with me? Yeah. That’s it. Let me know in the comments – if there are enough, I’ll throw together a Part Deux.

Oh – one more thing. The tales I will be telling (mostly) took place in a land far far away and a loooooong time ago. When I was young and foolish and could stay up later than 11 pm – and when a night out didn’t take three days of recovery time. Just so you know.

Listen my children and you shall hear
The tales of a girlie who loved her beer

Through the ‘80s and ‘90s oh how she thrived
Capers and antics she did survive
Spreading her special brand of joy and cheer…

Stay tuned.