6.29.2010

Stay Flexible

The best laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!

~ Robert Burns

I should have been out and about and attending a meeting I’d been looking forward to right about… now.

But.

(You know there’s always a but with a lead-in like that.)

Young William’s health issues reared their horrible heads.

And just like that, my plans changes.

Seizure. Meds. Sleep. Gentle tending. Night night.

My ears are wired. My eyes are single focused. I don’t engage the recliner part of the sofa since I need to be able to get up and quickly at a moment’s notice.

Tonight, my parental concern is coupled with some disappointment. I was really looking forward to the meeting I had on the schedule. The subject matter was something that interests me – and I was hoping to plug in with the sponsoring non-profit so I can use some of my overly extensive training and skills.

Not to be. My version of motherhood took priority.

And I’d be lying if I said this didn’t irk me. Please understand that I’m not irked with Will – it’s the circumstances that make me mad.

It’s frustrating. I want to reach out and expand my scope – to do things that I have some passion about and to share myself with the community. But my first priority – now, then and always – is to my child. His needs supersede everything.

And tonight, he needed me. So my plans were rearranged. As they needed to be.

True confession: I had a little, very brief pity party for myself. But it didn’t last long. Not at all. When one starts reflecting on one’s blessings, even in the face of a trying situation, the pity party gets busted up pretty damn quickly.

I’m blessed to have faith that sustains and a God who doesn’t leave me, even when I get overwhelmed and forgetful.

I’m blessed to have true friends new and longtime who listen when I ask, who don’t pity when I vent, who don’t abandon when I’m not perfect. Who take me just as I am, flaws and weird life and all.

Most of all, I’m blessed to have an amazing, resilient child who bounces back after crises, who is the strongest person I know.

Who is my hero.

Priorities.

3 comments:

David O'Donnell said...

A brief pity party is totally understandable! You are under constant stress, being constantly vigilant to make sure Will is safe and well. No -reasonable- person would deny you that moment of frustration!

I wish I were closer so I could give you tons of hugs in person.

Cylithria said...

I have never had the honor of meeting Little Man Will (or you) in person. But somewhere in the last 6 months you both became very huge hero's in my eyes.

Will became my hero as my own health issues tanked and I became less and less able to do for self. I'd want to give up and in, then the fleeting memory of a post you made, saying Will was praying for me during bedtime prayers. Will, how already faces so many challenges... praying for me....

I could NOT, not make it through. if he was strong enough to pray for me, despite what he faced, I could get my sorry butt back into the program and MAKE IT THROUGH.

Will is a huge, huge hero for me!

Then, during the immediate time that my @TheWocket went on the insulin pump, you Janey became my hero and my teacher. Things went oh so badly for my wocket. like your post says, eyes, ears trained to focus on one thing.... him and his needs.... there were days we didn't know if Wocket would make it through.... days that were all about him and his medical issues. and just when I would hit my breaking point and want to selfishly walk away for a time, I'd remember you.

You became my Hero. Using your own sharing of your and Will's story. Sharing the ups AND downs of caring for Will, taught and brought me the strength to get through Wocket's trials.

Wocket has leveld off, although some days emergencies still happen and it is back into vulture mode, hoovering around him, labs, tests, praying. But he is through the worst. And he got through it because "If Janey can do this, and her situation is more critical then @TheWocket's and mine, then I can make it through!"

Hero's. Both of you.

I thank all the stars in the universe that they shared your life and Will's with me. Without you both shinning as you do, I'd be lost.

I am sorry it is so touch and go right now. I listen well if you need to vent. I love you - both!

Thank you for all you do and all you are lady.

I love you

karin said...

I'm so far behind, but I'm catching up. I am always here to listen, rant with you, cry with you and laugh with you when you need it.

I love you!