Gym-boree

Fat Ass Update:

New jeans. Another size smaller. Making a total of four sizes down in jeans.

Am not quite physically up to my usual cardio workout *hack* so I'm setting for doing some upper body and abdominal work here at home. Have my hand weights right by the computer so when I'm waiting for something to load or reading an article (thank goodness for the verbosity of the Huffington Post), I can do a couple of sets of bicep/tricep/pec lifts. And I'm following the example of Dwight Shrute (how scary is that, I ask you) and using a balance ball as my office chair.

So far, so good. No injuries or mishaps. In other words, I haven't fallen off the damn thing. *knock on wood*

I've got our annual family holiday to the beach coming up in a month, plus a solo stint with pals in Vegas at the beginning of August. Total motivation.

Perhaps by then these little missives will be Not-Quite-As-Fat Ass updates. Cross your fingers. And help me count those sit ups while you're at it.

one. exhale. two. exhale...

Fanny Matters

Finally. One of those myriad health reports I can get behind...

Scientists find something good about a big bottom.

Ba-DUM ching... Thank you very much. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waiter.

Here's the gist of the thing: A type of fat that accumulates around the hips and bottom may actually offer some protection against diabetes, U.S. researchers said on Tuesday.

If this is the case, then I am set. Regardless of how many miles I ride on the bike at the gym (up to 15, thankyewverymuch) or how long I NutriToil, I'm still gonna have some tuchus ruckus. Just how I'm constructed. I've long resigned myself to it being part of my charm.

That's why this is my theme song. Sung by my boys (ok -- my boys other than the Police.)

My Fat Ass. Is Totally Badass.

On today's agenda:

* An hour on the treadmill. 450 calories burned. Done.

You can probably smell me from wherever you are. I'm one schvitzy chica. But, damn, do I feel good.

* Take a load of clothes that are TOO BIG to Goodwill. To do.

Boo-yah, baby. The problem is that I've been doing some shopping to supplement the items I've been giving away. Being a fitness sex goddess is an expensive responsibility. HA!

* Continually shake my groove thing, which is just a bit smaller.

Might even let you cop a feel.

Oh. Yeah.

Here's a bit of what runs through my head while I'm doing time on the treadmill at the Y... I listen to this, breaking up the tunes with some classic podcasts about my favorite decade. It's a good mix -- works for me.



Somehow, this makes my NutriMeals taste just a little more satifying. Mmmmm.

My Orange Fingers Gave It Away, Didn't They...

I have just cheated on the Nutri System.

And am now paying the price.

I played Client #9 for some Cheetos. With the tell-tale Orange Dust of Guilt being my undoing.

Bought a bag for Will to use in feeding therapy -- he's very texture-sensitive and we're working verrrrry slowly towards him expanding his diet from soft, bland things. I packed a baggie full of them to take to his therapist yesterday.

Leaving the balance of the big bag here at home.

Tempting me like a cheap hooer on Pier 69 during Fleet Week.

And I caved. Started that mindless eating which sent me to NutriWorld in the first place. Common sense took over before I could get too far. But the evidence was on my fingers. Orange guilt staring me in the face. Even a thorough handwashing couldn't remove all the evidence.

Into the trash can went the bag. But not before I pummeled all the shape out of those evil crunchies, rendering them powder.

So now my tummy hurts. Blech. It's been a good long while since I ingested something so greasy, fat-laden and completely bereft of any nutritional value. At least my evening margaritas are made with organic agave nectar and fresh lime juice -- that's gotta count for something, right?

The belly ache is a good reminder though that I am on the right track. Those damn things didn't have this kind of affect on me BNS (Before NutriSystem). And I have such a finely tuned sense memory that I'll remember this ugh-o feeling the next time I hear the siren call of the junk food.

Besides, orange really isn't my color anyway.

By the way...

... my fat ass isn't quite so fat anymore.

I'm wearing denim capris that are two sizes smaller than what I was wearing when I started the damn NutriSystem back in December.

BOOYAH!

And this with a small amount of creative license -- the more than occasional adult drinky-poo and a couple of real meals, albeit moderate ones, during the week.

I'm not nearly ready to film a Success Story commercial. Yet.

Yeah, I'm kinda proud of myself. Which is a new feeling. That I'm enjoying. So there.

Diet De-Lite! Yay!

Well. I've gone and done it.

I've succumbed to the siren's call of the ubiquitous infomercial.

I've started on NutriSystem. Damnit.

If it's good enough for Dan Marino and Don Shula (plus Mrs. Don Shula!), then it's good enough for me. Maybe it's a Florida solidarity thing, them both being from Miami and all. Actually, what finally sold me was an interview with a woman my age with my lifestyle (young kids, etc.) who lost a shit load of weight with this program. Worked for her. Hopefully works for me. *crosses fingers*

Anyhoo. The box of my 28 days worth of delicious (their word at this point) meals just arrived. It's a heavy son-of-a-gun. I hope my UPS guy didn't get a hernia hauling it up to my front stoop.

What I didn't realize (duh) is that I get to supplement the delicious meals with fresh fruits, veggies, dairy and a Low Glycemic Index carb. Whatever the hell that is. I'll figure that out sooner rather than later, as I'm going to start this thing tomorrow. I figured I'd get a jump start on all those folks who will be flocking to this program as part of their New Year resolutions. However, I am going to have to make a trip to the grocery, as I have little to nothing in the fridge that would qualify as "helpful" food. I don't think that leftover pork lo mein counts. If it did, I'd be in business.

Actually, I'm kind of excited about this endeavor. I like the fact that the thought and guess work is taken care of already. While I appreciate and respect Weight Watchers -- it's a great program -- I found, through trial and error, that I need some structure with my diet. Left to my own devices, I can justify practically anything and with my schedule, that means Tales of the Drive-Thru more often than not. As the mister travels for business during the week and Will's standard menu is still very basic, having this option for me works out really well. At least on paper.

And I've tried just about every single low cal/diet frozen dinner that there is. I even remember when Lean Cuisine came on the scene -- I was a freshman in college and everyone on my dorm floor kept that community microwave buzzing with our frozen diet delights. If I remember correctly, those things weren't very high on the yummy scale. I'm hoping that technology and time has improved things -- but if not, I've already been through basic training. I'm not expecting much -- this is diet food, after all. If it tasted as good as the full fat stuff, we'd all be skinny minnies.

So we'll see how this goes. I've got nothing to lose. Save for my fat ass.